The Melancholy of Itsuki Koizumi
by DiscreetMalice
Summary: At some point, once you continue to pretend you're someone else, you forget who you really are. Kyon/Itsuki. Drugs, and gays, live with it.
1. Chapter 1

The worst part of writing this, was as serious as its written, I just kept giggling because we all know Koizumi has to be doing some kind of drugs.

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><p>It was the way his fingers gripped onto the pipe that he could tell how desperate he was for some sort of escape. Kyon only watched his face forming into a look of obvious disdain. Koizumi hadn't even looked up to pay him any attention, and Kyon begun wondering if he even knew if he was standing there. He only stared at the hand craddled between his legs, every part of his body relaxed. Minus his fingers. The ones gripping on the now cold pipe that seemed to have been dug out from a trash can, or even crafted at home. Either way, what Kyon had just walked into infuriated him yet left him frozen in shock. Not only did he walk into a room with a certain esper slouched over against the batroom stalls, said esper was stoned to say the least. Kyon could only asume that from the his glazed and slightly red eyes.<p>

"Koizumi?" He managed out his teeth clenched once Koizumi bobbed his head up. He didnt say anything just looked at him. His expression no longer false but almost dulled out before he looked back down at his hands. A small sigh escaped before muttering a simple, "yeah...?" Though it only seemed to add fuel to the flame, expecially when that flame was an impatient and practically flabbergasted Kyon.

"What the hell do you think your doing? Were in school! Your going to get caught!" He snapped in a whisper to be sure no passerby's could hear from outside of the boys bathroom. Koizumi didn't bother with a responce as he took his time stumbling to his feet, stuffing the pipe into his pocket along with his hand. Swallowing a couple of times he heaved a sigh, brushing his free hand through his hair "What time is it?" he asks while trying to straighten himself up.

"That doesnt matter! Answer my goddamn question!" He snaps this time his voice is raised. And to his suprise, Koizumi flinches. Not only that, he ends up staggering back against a stall looking down "Its...None of your concern..." he then frowns, looking up his eyes somewhat squinted as he tries glaring at Kyon.

The unfamiliar face leaves an uneasy feeling in his stomach but its pushed aside as he notices Koizumi making his way to the door "Hey! Where do you think your going like this?" he hisses. Koizumi's frown deepens a bit as he takes a grab for the door handle though takes a long pause. He doesn't say anything but gives Kyon a heavy look, and soon walks out leaving Kyon on his own. Standing still with no idea of what was going on anymore.

Koizumi's gaze seemed to be engraved in his memory now, and the look in the espers eyes no longer left him angered over the situation, but lost. As if the only good outcome of the past two years never occurred, only to leave him in a far to average life he knew he no longer wanted.

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><p>I'm not sure if I should continue this, it was just something I found in an old notebook so I felt the need to post it somewhere.<p>

If even just one person wants me to continue I'm willing to put out some effort.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to those who commented on the previous chapter even if it was so very short, I don't really have much of an update schedule but I hope to continue updating at least on a weekly basis.

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><p>Again they sat in the same room waiting for Haruhi to come. It was the only reason they gathered in the first place, and with the current situation, it was the only thing keeping Kyon from leaving. Koizumi sat across from him as usuall, though he wasn't even bothering to put his mask on just yet. He was tired, every now and then pinching the bringe of his nose, a heavy sigh following. Mikuru had set a tea cup beside him nervously, and even Yuki was a few inches further away from him. Its as they knew more, well that usually was the case. Koizumi had mentioned that the smile was all in placeto please Suzumiya, but in the back of his mind he had become so used to that anoying smile that he wanted to believe this is how he always was.<p>

But reality doesn't work that way, its impossible for someone to be that happy and somehow hold onto their sanity. But the truth had come out too bluntly. He no longer felt anger or frustration, but more at a loss. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with this newfound knowledge.

Having Koizumi walk out before he could lecture him had ended up giving him time to think throughout the rest of the school day. As much as he didn't like it he realized that nothing he ended up saying would change the espers mind. Koizumi looked like the silent stubborn type. Saying he understands ones viewpoints to please them but once the person was gone he'd only be irritated by their meaningless offfer.

Kyon had to come at this cautiously. He always complained about Koizumi but in this dreaded S.O.S brigade he was the only one that could follow up in an interesting conversation. Even if in the end, it was only Koizumi rambling.

So when Haruhi had barged in for less than a second to say that there was no meeting; a rare occurance Kyon was not about to question, he decided to take advantage and stick by Koizumi.

The esper had noticed quickly that Kyon was waiting for him and heaved a small sigh, "I'm amazed you didn't rush out along with the girls" he stated cracking his neck to the side as he adjusted his back. The comment only makes Kyon furrow his brows though the comment is forgotten. He seems unable to look away from Koizumi.

Its as if now is the first time he's getting to see the real Itsuki Koizumi, and part of him didn't want to accept him in his life. He was tired, the bags under his eyes stood out more than he had ever bothered noticing. They seemed bad enough that even with plenty of sleep the slightly darkened edges would still remain. Just like as scar.

They didn't say much, Koizumi didn't seem in the mood to even open his mouth and Kyon was trying to figure out what to even say. Thankfully Koizumi wasn't speeding up or even tired of running away, his stride was the same as it always was. Atleast that hadn't changed. At this point Kyon just wanted to hold onto the little things he had grown used to, it might had been childish but even now as a second year he had stil held onto the childish belief that things are just as they seem.

He could pretend that he hadn't seen what he did today, but a part of him wanted to cling onto this new Koizumi. Or had the old Koizumi been the new one? How much had the esper sacrificed to satisfy a god he'd rather pretend he didn't know existed?

He realizes Koizumi has stopped once they reach the hill top and notices this is probably where they take their separate ways. Though Koizumi seems to be waiting for something even though he stares off the opposite direction in a daze. Kyon scratches the back of his neck, he doesn't wan't Koizumi leaving, but what other choice does he have? Follow the esper?

Somehow the later becomes his final decision, and yet they walk on wordlessly. Kyon had never gone this way but he was sure it was a shortcut to the train station.

"Does it bother you?" He finally speaks up seeming irritated that Kyon hadn't spoken a single word. Taken back from his own thoughts he looks up to him and sighs "I don't know...Kinda."

"I'm suprised you haven't lectured me" he adds slowly, everything he does seems a bit more slow right now. "I had the feeling it would be a waist of time" Kyon scratches the back of his neck, their interactions now were begining to feel awkward. But he wasn't talking to a stranger. This was just Koizumi. So why did it feel like he was meeting someone new?

They took the train, but pulled out in the city. Koizumi leading him to the same cafe the group would usually come to whenever they went out. He slouches in a seat, Kyon sits across from him, still at a loss for words but decides it better to force something out then have Koizumi loose his patience and just leave.

"So how long?" Koizumi doesn't need to ask to know what hes being asked but takes his time trying to get a close estimate "Two and a half years probably." Kyon can't help but wince, was there more the esper did that he hadn't seen yet?

"Do you do anything else?" He asks with an uneasy feeling, though soon feels a bit relieved when he shakes his head "I mean if you don't count the occasional drinks and cigarette not really. I don't even think I have the time to spare for anything else" He chuckles this time. But its weak, tired, and a little bit forced out to break the awkward tension.

"Oh..." He feels slightly relieved, but still uneasy "Why?"

He regretts asking to quickly for Koizumi's small smile is instantly turned to a frown. 'Why does it matter? Does knowing make any difference to you?" He stands over him setting his hands firmly on the table. "You would rather have me smilling 24/7 wouldn't you?"

He seemed disgusted for some reason, dissapointed even. Kyon doesn't get to look further into his expression because now Koizumi is walking away with long strides.

He doesn't follow after him and utters plenty of curses under his breath. He wants to forget all of this. Even if its just something small he doesn't want to accept this change. But, is it really the change that bothers him? Or is it because its Koizumi? Either way he won't find out. Koizumi's left and he feels like the only chance to actually figure him out had compleatly slipped from his fingers.


End file.
